My children

There are several topics that are floating about in my agile brain (that likes to wake up and be alert at the most annoying times) that I could write about, but I think I will share my most favorite one, the one that is the most positive.

Over the last five or six years, I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions.  I have been to the depths of depression, so far down that I wasn't sure I would come back from that abyss, and then back up to the height of joy and then only to dip back down into the darkness, and back up again.  The twists and turns of happiness and despair have all been brought on by my own inner demons that I allowed to be fed not only by me but by others as well, and they, for the time being at least, have been caged and the lock securely fastened.  But that doesn't mean those nasty insecure thoughts and fears won't escape. 

The reasons they have been caged and the lock fastened are because I have been truly blessed to have the children I have.  I know that I have been divinely favored to have them both.  Each one of them have, in their own way, helped me come back from that abyss. 

Because of who they are as individuals, and as human beings, they have kept me aware that there is no greater joy in my life than them.  And because of who they are and who I am as a mother, I have fought the Catholic School system for them, I have defended them to one I shouldn't have to defend them to.  They have kept me laughing and smiling, and striving to be better.  They inspire me to move forward, to see the joy in situations, to be fair and keep my temper in check.  It's because of them I'm learning to make choices that not only benefit them, but me as well in the long run. 

They both have huge hearts, are very loving, intelligent, have wonderful senses of humor.  They both have made me proud in how they have handled difficult situations over the years.  When they are away from me or out in public, the proudest moments I feel are when I get feedback that they were helpful, well behaved, and my most favorite one came from a flight attendant that told me they listened better than the majority of adults at the instructions being given.  The relationship I have with my children is one in which they know they can come talk to me, even if they think it will get them in trouble.  They know I will listen. 

Don't get me wrong, they are not perfect little angels and can frustrate the heck out of me like any child can.  They have their moments of where I would like to knock them into next week or even past the age of 18.  Like any child, I don't think they fully comprehend the lengths I would go to for them, and that is how it should be. 

So for my children, I have found my backbone again, I have again found compassion that I thought I had lost.  I know I have strength.  I know I am a good person, and because of their love and faith in me, I have found those things within myself again.  They are the reason for my seeing or trying to find the light all around even on my darkest days.