Being kind

Being kind to someone who doesn't necessarily deserve it, doesn't always mean that the someone is taking advantage of you.  Being nice doesn't mean you are leaving yourself open to being taken advantage of or hurt or whatever.  Sometimes it is just a reflection of who you are as a person.    

I know that some, if not all of my friends, think that sometimes I'm too nice to my soon to be ex-husband, considering the way he has treated me and our children.  I'm not trying to make excuses, or defend him in any way what so ever. 

The fact is that I'm a good person, and I don't feel that I have to be mean to someone who's been mean to me.  There are other people I know right now who I know have been mean to me, betrayed me, gossiped about me and who knows what else, and the diatribes of others have affected some friendships, but I will not go out of my way to do the same thing.  I also will not go out of my way to be nice to the detractors either and that includes my soon to be ex-husband. 

I still do favors for him because he still does favors for me.  People either don't think about, or realize that I don't have family that I'm close to around me.  He and I are still friends, and get along better now that we are divorcing than we did while we were trying to stay married.  I keep telling everyone over and over, that he and I are friends that should have never gotten married.  I know he doesn't fully want the divorce because of the religious dogma of Catholicism that both of us grew up with, that says divorce is a sin and a couple should stay together once they get married.  I think a lot of that is garbage.  If something isn't working, you should not stay together for any reason because it is detrimental on many levels to everyone and most especially those involved.  But I digress, that is a topic unto itself for another time.

I know there are some who think I am just setting myself up for being hurt by being nice to him, maybe I am, but I have boundaries that he is not allowed to cross any longer, and I have made those boundaries perfectly clear. 

You can still be nice to someone while still keeping your eyes open and if you see that you are being taken advantage of, there is the choice to either keep being nice or you can step away.  There are ways to step away and still be nice.  Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that there comes a time when nice just isn't working and then that is the time to not be kind.  We have to be careful of the times when kindness doesn't work and you have to be unkind, because there is a line where unkindness can become cruelty and abuse.   

I am a very perceptive person, and I see who people are and I adjust my actions accordingly.  I'm not a doormat anymore for some people, and even though I choose to still talk to someone, or have them in my life, it's because I see who they really are and when their actions are going against what I see, I do let them know.  I just don't always do it for all to see or know about because it is not between me, that person and the world, it's between just me and that person.  There are even times when I let my actions speak louder than my words because sometimes words just aren't worth speaking.