A minor venting

I am so trying to be the bigger person and not wish any harm on him because of the children mostly, but also because that's not who I am or want to become.  But there are days when I almost want to go against who I am.  Today was one of those days.

I want to rip him to shreds in this blog, but I really don't see why it would matter.  I'm not even sure it would make me feel better at this point.  So many different things over the years that he has sabotaged in some way or another for whatever his weak reasons are.  I really think that he feels if he makes this divorce as difficult as he can in a passive aggressive way I will get tired, give up and go back to him.  He really doesn't know me.  It only makes me loathe him even more.  I will be civil always because of the children.  I will be the better person because I know I'm the better person. 

I really don't want anything bad to happen to him.  I just want him to let me go.  I want him to move on and be happy.  I know I never made him happy and it wasn't because I didn't try.  I came to the realization you can't make someone happy who isn't happy themselves.

Right now I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I'm very angry.  I just want the divorce to be over.  It's time for this marriage to end.  Not something that I ever wanted to say about being married, but this is what I was given. 

I will not do the marriage thing again.  I will not be legally bond to anyone in that manner again.  If the relationship is true, that piece of paper is not needed.  The legal issues of not being a spouse can be overcome through living wills and powers of attorney.  But having to divide everything with several pieces of paper when the only thing left in a marriage is bitterness and anger, makes marriage not worth it at all for me.  I can't do this again, so the best way to avoid going through this again is to not get married.  Simply stated. 

I know this post isn't very informative.  It also isn't very clear the point of it.  For the most part this was just a minor venting about my situation that I find myself in.  I even acknowledge this isn't my best work.  My thoughts are scattered and unfocused.  Soon I will have clarity again, and soon I will find security.